Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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