You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
