i don't like sucking hair
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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