Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
