I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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