I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
