i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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