I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
