good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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