what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize