I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
