If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
