Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
