hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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