If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
