just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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