Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
