woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
