If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
God, I missed his penis.
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