Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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