I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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