I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
