Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
