youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
