And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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