Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
