No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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