I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize