I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
