What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize