i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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