I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
