You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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