I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
