Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
