**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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