I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
