you have to choose: penises or morals?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
