I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
