I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
