Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
