Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
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