what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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