I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
