she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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