great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
