Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
