2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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