Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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