Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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