That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I forget how to act sober
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
