She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
