well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
