I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
