I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
