Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
