atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
