Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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