He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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