Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
