I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's rum buckets o'clock
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
