i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
