I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My liver just broke up with me...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They have beer where we have blood.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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