one two three fourrrrnication!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
