there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
