well I can't set my house on fire every night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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