how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
