This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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